Those Crazy Things
by thatitkidd
Summary: Steve loves Tony. Tony loves Steve. Need I say more? Stony, Hulkeye, and Blackpepper
1. Chapter 1

_**Hey everyone! This is the first fanfic I'm keeping, so enjoy!**_

_**Disclaimer: if I owned anything, you'd know.**_

Steve Rogers walked in downtown Manhattan, exhausted. Another hard day at the gym had left him hot and sweaty. The ride home was long and there was a shitload of traffic (as usual) so he turned on the radio. "- Yes, May, it has been confirmed billionaire Tony Stark has cut off his van dyke-"

Steve turned off his radio rolling his eyes. Honestly who cared if someone had hair on his face or not? Although he hadn't seen Tony since the Chitauri incident catastrophe he had crossed his mind time to time. Often. Every day. Okay, Steve couldn't help but to think about him. As he sat contemplating his troubles his phone rang. "Steve." "Hey Cap, it's Tony."

Steve + Tony = Stony

Tony was being Tony. Drinking and working. But, he was drinking coffee. He hadn't had a drink in 2 months. Since the Chitauri incident. Only Pepper knew why. And when he told her, she dumped him, but not as harshly as it sounds. _There was no heart break or crying. Just an 'o' shaped mouth from Pepper and then a smile. "I'm happy for you Tony, you should call him." "But Pep, he hates my guts." "No he doesn't. And ask him just to hang out not on a date." Pepper rolled her eyes._

Tony set down his cup of coffee gently as his mind mulled over Pepper words of wisdom. Tony finally came to a decision and picked up his phone to dial Steve's number. "Steve." Tony's throat dried up. "Hey Cap, it's Tony." There was a silence. "Stark? What's up? If there are any buildings going down I'm afraid I can't help you." "Just wanted to say hi." "Oh, well the last I heard of you your face was naked." "Hey," Tony smirked. "Your face was always naked."

Tony's heart did mini back flips as Steve laughed. "What's got you in such a good mood, Capsicle? Don't make me miss out on the fun." Steve scoffed "If driving through Brooklyn at .01 miles an hour is fun then 2013 is even stranger then I thought. It's nice to have someone to talk to." Tony's heart did a gymnastics/circus routine that went back flip, glow, cartwheel, and ignite.

"Well, I just wanted to ask if you, umm, would like to maybe hangout sometime." The last part came out as a squeak "Uhh yeah I'd like that. So where should we meet?" "What, seriously? I own a giant tower in the sky with my name on it and you ask where I'm deeply insulted, Cap." Tony made a fake pout. "Oh, I'm SOOO sorry Tony I completely forgot you are a genius, billionaire, philanthropist." Tony mock gasped, "How COULD you Cap!" they laughed until Steve asked when?" "Uhh, how's tomorrow?" "Fantastic! See you tomorrow, Tony." As Steve hung up Tony took many deep breaths. "Sir," Jarvis spoke. "Would you like a glass of fresh water?" "Thank you, J" "Always Sir."

Steve + Tony = Stony

The next day Steve was questioning himself on what to wear. 'Seriously Rogers, get yourself together!' He took a deep breath. 'You're just visiting Stark! So what you've had a crush on him for 2 months…' Steve's thoughts trailed off for a bit as he thought about Tony, dark hair, deep brown eyes… 'NO STOP IT ROGERS! Tony is-' Wait, oh god, he just called him Tony. We have a problem…

Steve + Tony = Stony

Tony was running around like a mad man as Pepper laughed at him. "Fuck! Pep! This isn't funnyyyy!" Pepper continued to laugh as she replied. "No you're right, it's hilarious, and why are you freaking out so badly?" "You know fucking why Pepper! You're not helping!" "Okay, just calm down Tony! Breathe, breathe, in, and out. There we go. Calm down and you might want to change…" Tony looked down worriedly "What! Did I spill something? I didn't have anything today though. Talk to me Pepper!" Pepper sighed and said "Tony those clothes just look a little too expensive. That's all. Okay, calm down." Tony looked in a mirror. "You're right Pep." "I usually am."

_**Steve approached Stark Tower with a worried look on his face. He stepped up to the front desk. The secretary didn't even look up. "Can I help you?" "Umm Mr. Stark is expecting me." "Name?" "Steve, Steve Rogers." At that the girl looked up. She read the description and looked at Steve. 'Big, blond and hot. Yeah this is the guy.' "Give me a moment." She typed something into her desktop and looked at Steve. "You can enter now."**_

Tony left his bedroom wearing a t-shirt and jeans. "How's this Pep?" "Better, you look less like a billionaire and more like a regular human being." Tony sighed in relief. "Good." Tony's slight sigh of relief turned into a horrified gasp as Jarvis announced "Sir, Captain Rogers has arrived." "Oh, alright, thanks Jarvis" Pepper said because Tony was unable to speak. She smirked and said "Well, I'll leave the future you two alone." At that Tony seemed able to speak again. "What, you're going to leave me alone with the love of my life?!" "Yes, Tony, I am. Bye now." As Pepper left Tony stood nervously until he heard a gentle knocking on the door. "Tony?" Tony's eyebrows shot up. Did Capsicle just call him Tony?

As he opened the door, Steve stood there shyly. "Hey Tony, I mean Stark." Tony broke out into a smile. "Just Tony is fine, Capsicle." "Well then, will you call me Steve?" "No problem Stevie boy." Steve raised an eyebrow. "What? That counts!" "Whatever." "So, Steve, want some fondue?" Steve nearly choked on his own spit. "Excuse me?" "Or not. I mean we could totally skip that and have some sandwiches instead." Tony said, wide eyed. "No, it's fine. It just reminds me of an old incident. Before… all of this."

"Oh… so, umm, is that a yes on that fondue or no?" "Of course." Tony did this doofy smile as Steve said yes. Oh yeah Tony was in love alright.

_**Please review people! I hope you liked it! I'll get into details in later chapters. Bye my lovelies!**_


	2. Chapter 2: Well, who would've thought?

_**I'm back! I'll try to update a soon as I can but it's hard when you have school so bear with me. Also I started naming my chapters. Enjoy chapter 2 me lovelies.**_

_**Disclaimer: if I owned anything, you'd know.**_

_Chapter 2: Well Who Would've Thought_

_**Hulk + Hawkeye = Hulkeye**_

Steve knew there was a god when Tony didn't ask what type of incident occurred to make freak out about the fondue suggestion. But, nonetheless they enjoyed a nice afternoon together. Steve made a comment about Tony looking like "that dude from Zodiac". Tony commented on himself being surprised that Steve even saw that movie or remembered it because "old people don't remember much". "Now for payback I'll give you candles that say 'You're old' on your birthday cake". Steve laughed.

Oh, please," Tony scoffed at the blond. "Which one of us is 95 again?" "Sir," Jarvis interrupted. "While Captain Rogers _is_ technically older, if it were counted by physical age you would be much older than he. Now I would recommend calming Captain Rogers down, he seems to be having something akin to a panic attack." Tony looked over to see Steve, wide eyed with shock. "I'm sorry, Steve I totally forgot, this is Jarvis he's my personal AI. He's there whenever I need him, like a male, computerized Pepper." Tony said with a sheepish look on his face. Steve coughed "AI?" "Artificial Intelligence." "Huh." Steve muttered, still looking freaked out.

"Tony!" Pepper suddenly burst into the room. "Look!" "Oh hey Pepper." Tony said a little disappointed that their nice(ish) afternoon was interrupted. Steve smiled charmingly, using Pepper as a distraction from the shock of Jarvis. "You must Ms. Virginia Potts. I'm Steve Rogers, it's a pleasure to meet you ma'am." Pepper waved him off too distracted by the tabloid to remember her manners. "Yes, yes, we'll get back to that later. Look!" Pepper shoved a tabloid in his face. Tony's jaw dropped when he saw the cover.

On the cover it showed Bruce Banner and Clint Barton, laughing without a care in the world. The Headline said "DOES THE HULK HAVE AN EYE FOR THE HAWK?" "Holy shit." Tony cursed, jaw still dropped. Steve muttered absent mindedly "You shouldn't curse that often, Tony." Tony seemed to snap out of it. He looked at Steve and said "Seriously, that's what you say?" Steve rolled his eyes and glared at him playfully. Tony's arc reactor was saying 'fuck you bitch' with the way his heart went nuts when he saw Steve's glare was playful. Then he looked confused "Who taught you 'Whatever'?" He hadn't noticed it earlier with the shock of Steve coming over. Steve grinned. "I'll tell you some other time."

"_So what if you could see the darkest side of me" _Tony's phone rang "It's Dr. Banner, sir." _"No one could ever change this animal-" _ "Heyy Brucie bear." Bruce sounded slightly out of breath. "Hey, uhh, Tony?" "Yes?" "Do you have somewhere me and Clint can lay low?" Tony threw his free arm up. "Alright, now I think it's a conspiracy. First Steve now you two too! What part of giant tower don't you people see?" "Tony." Pepper gave him her 'just don't' look. "I'm just saying Pep." She scoffed and turned away. "So, Tony can we stay for a bit?" "Of course my big green teddy bear, just tell Hawkass to stay outta my vents." Tony said with mock cheerfulness.

Steve and Pepper all but rolled on the floor at Tony's statement and the fact that he was dead serious. Tony rolled his eyes and murmured "Why do I love these people?" Bruce chuckled over the phone and said, "People? There's more than one?" Tony went wide-eyed and whispered "Please don't tell him." "Alright but you'll have to tell him at some point. Steve, right?" "Maybe" Bruce sighed "We'll be there as soon as we can." Tony then spoke at a normal tone. "Alright Brucie bear, see you later rage monsta."

_**Hulk + Hawkeye = Hulkeye**_

_3 hours earlier_

Bruce Banner was in trouble. He didn't think anyone would recognize him out of his Hulk form. He was dead wrong. The paparazzi were there in less than an hour, crowding around the small café. Then Clint muttered "Damn vultures, find your own Bruce." Then the manager so kindly ask they leave because "customers were starting to fear for their lives not-that-I-have-anything-against-you-I-just-really -want-to-stay-in-business." Yeah right, they both knew he was just afraid of the Hulk. Shit, who wouldn't be?

As they somehow escaped the paparazzi with Clint's wild driving Bruce said, "Well, who would've thought?" Clint just smiled.

_**Hulk + Hawkeye = Hulkeye**_

_1 day earlier_

Clint Barton: spy, assassin, semi-ninja, strategist, didn't know what to do. One of the first rules S.H.I.E.L.D taught him was not to fall in love. And at the time he thought 'not gonna happen'. Then fate was like oh, fucking really and sent him one order of Bruce Banner. Great.

Then, he fell in love.

During the Chitauri attack, when Dr. Banner rode into the battle on the old looking motorcycle, Clint was immediately taken by the man's dry sense of humor and sarcastic response to Natasha's "I've seen worse." After the battle, though, Clint fell even more. When he saw Bruce actually laugh (even if it was at Tony) he noticed, how his eyes sparkled, how all his teeth were showing in a non-threatening way. Like his past self, before the Hulk.

Despite it ruining his life, Clint loved the Hulk. That way he knew nobody would fuck with Bruce and force Clint to kick someone's ass. Even if he-

"Clint," Natasha's irritated voice snapped him out of his thoughts. "Could you help me with this zipper, I think it's stuck." He scoffed as he worked on the zipper in question. "The famous Black Widow, beaten by a zipper. Fury would be so proud." She raised her eyebrow at him and smirked. "The famous Hawkeye, beaten by a scientist with anger issues." He choked and looked up from the admittedly frustrating zipper to look at his partner in crime. "How long have you-" He didn't even finish before Natasha said "Since shwarma." He cursed and gave her a pitiful look. "Does he know?" "Surprisingly, no. But, Clint, you have to tell him." "Like you told Pepper." She grimaced. "That's different."

He rolled his eyes, not pursuing the argument knowing it was sensitive for the red head. After a minute or two he finally got the motherfucking zipper to work. When he stood back up he was shoved towards the door. "Go. Tell him; ask him out, whatever your weird fucking brain comes up with. He walked out the door, but before he could get a word out the door slammed in his face. 'Alright' he thought. 'Mission wooing Bruce Banner.'

He didn't even have to woo him. When he even found the doctor he wasn't in the best state. He was found rolled up in a ball in his apartment at S.H.I.E.L.D. "Dr. Banner are you okay?" Clint asked worriedly.

Bruce looked up at him and stood up just to yank him down to a kiss. If you could even call it that. It was more like Bruce sticking his tongue down poor Clint's throat. But much to Clint's disappointment, the kiss ended as soon as it began. "Bruce" he started but was cut off by another hot kiss. Bruce separated just long enough to breathe "Love me." And that's when Clint kissed back.

And wound up shirtless.

And pant less.

And out of breath on Bruce's bed.

But, when the doctor let out a strangled cry he stopped. "Bruce?" But he understood instantly as he saw the doctor's eyes whirl in a dangerous but beautiful mix of brown and green. He sat there for 10 minutes as the doctor calmed down and his eyes brown again. "Are you okay?" he asked "Uh, yeah." Bruce murmured just a little surprised. "Didn't expect you to kiss back." Clint kissed him again, but with more love than passion. "I'll always kiss back."

_**Finally! This took me so long to type! The ringtone Tony has for Bruce is 'Animal I have Become' by 3 days grace. I'll try to post chapter 3 shortly. BYE BYE sweethearts!**_


	3. Chapter 3 : The Widow's Bite

Heyyyyyyyyyy! I am genuinely sorry it took so long to update but I promise I've floating on air with the reviews I got. Stupid school hunting and essays and soap operas take up my time!

Disclaimer: If I owned anything, you'd know

Enjoy!

Chapter 3: The Widow's Bite

Pepper + Natasha = Black pepper

When Bruce stepped into the main(?) living-room of Stark Tower three startling things happened, 1) Tony, taking a leap of faith, lunged to kiss Steve on his cheek 2) Steve turned to see who had arrived and Tony wound up kissing him full on the mouth 3) Steve stumbled backwards on the couch and Tony fell on top of him still kissing. So, in the end, the scene was the following: Tony basically straddling Steve on the couch while kissing him passionately.

"Umm, we'll just re-enter and, uh, you know, pretend this never happened." Bruce stammered as Tony crawled off of Steve, face the ultimate shade of red. "Huh, right." With that Bruce left the room hurriedly.

Tony now faced Steve, preparing his heart to be broken. "Look Steve, let's just pretend that never happened and just forget this whole thing okay? I mean, it's not like you're gay or anything and even if you were it isn't as if you'd be interested in someone like me so I guess we just wipe this from our-hrn!" He was silenced by soft pink lips pressed up against his. When he didn't kiss back he saw Steve's heart break in those blue eyes and he decided right then that he'd give anything to never see that face again and kissed back as hard as he could. He felt those pink lips smile against his and smiled right along back.

There little session continued until there was a soft knock on the door. "Hey, guys, can we come in now?" Bruce spoke softly from the other side of the door. "Uhhh," Tony broke away from Steve and Steve made this desperate sort of sound that made Tony's eye's darken a bit. "Can you give us a minute?" "Definitely." Bruce said, hoping that Steve felt the same way about Tony. He couldn't hear very well and knew Tony had to yell to get his voice heard over the sound-proofed doors.

Clint looked at Bruce, "You knew didn't you?" "I knew Tony had feelings for him, I didn't know he was going to act on them, though." Clint nodded in understanding. "Gotcha." Bruce smiled. "Knew you would."

Pepper + Natasha = Black pepper

Pepper Potts was in her office simply doing paperwork when Natalie- Natasha walked in. "Hello, Ms. Romanoff. May I ask what brings you here?" 'After breaking my heart' is what she thought but didn't say for it was unprofessional. Natasha looked at her, worry etched on her face. "Ms. Potts, you've been called into S.H.I.E.L.D. for protection." Pepper's eyes turned wide, "What happened?" Natasha continued as if she hadn't spoken. "Actually, we need all of the Avengers to come in. There's been a recent disturbance in France that Agent Hill wants us to check out." Pepper frowned. "What happened to Fury?"

Natasha quirked an eyebrow. "Agent Hill said that this a private mission that Fury himself doesn't know about. So, like I said, please come with me. And where can I find the rest of the Avengers?" Pepper looked at her. Then, finally she said, "Main living room." Natasha nodded at then muttered "And that would be where?" In all her time working in the building, she still hadn't gotten the main and secondary living rooms straight. Which she would admit to no one. 'So why am I admitting it to Pepper?' She shook the question off as Pepper stood up and said "Follow me."

In the middle of the walk to the living room Pepper stopped abruptly. "Ms. Potts?" Natasha put her hands on Pepper's waist 'Just in case she faints- or something.' Pepper turned around and the look on her face startled Natasha She looked heartbroken and pissed off at the same time. "Why?" Pepper choked out. "Why what?" "Why did you just leave me like that? No warning or anything, I just woke up and you were gone."

Natasha then did something rare. She gave Pepper a tender hug. "I'm sorry, but I couldn't. I didn't want to just leave you like that! But, I had another mission-" "And that always comes first." Pepper said with a snarl, then turned around and started walking again. Natasha knew Pepper well enough to know that she didn't want to be messed with at a time like this so she decided to leave well enough alone.

Pepper + Natasha = Black pepper

Tony looked at the blond. "So does this mean-?"Steve closed his eyes. "How long?" "Since I was 16. My dad never stopped talking about you so I guess I kind of fell in love then, you?" "I'm not sure when it started, but I realized it when you fell during the Chitauri battle. It kind of came to me then." His inner-self scoffed 'Or more liked slapped you in the face' and he recalled the memory.

**His heart pounded as he watched in horror as the darkness of space seemed to swallow Tony. Then the brightness of the explosion swallowed him even further. He doesn't know what force took him to say 'Close it', but he almost killed himself when he said it. But, when he saw Tony actually make it out of the black, almost sinister appearance of the remains of the Chitauri ship. As the aliens dropped dead around him his blood turned to the coldest ice there was as he realized that Tony was dead or unconscious in his suit as fell and Steve prayed as hard as he could that it was the latter. He hear Thor say something next to him but couldn't hear it over the pounding of his of his own heart. When the Hulk caught Tony in mid-air (still damaging some buildings in the process) Steve could've gotten on one knee and proposed. If he didn't love Tony alread-**

"Steve?" Tony's voice jarred him back into the present. "Uhhh, yeah?" "You okay? You spaced out for a minute there." "Ahem, I'm fine. Do you want to let the others in and finish this conversation later?" Tony cocked his head to the side and kissed him again before walking to the door and doing a double take as he saw Pepper and Natasha talking to Bruce and Clint.

Pepper + Natasha = Black pepper

(However-long-that-took minutes ago)

Bruce and Clint had taken to occupying their time with... activities, actually, Clint's tongue stuck down Bruce's throat as Bruce made the most sinful noises and Clint eager to for him to make more. Clint pulled back suddenly and admired Bruce's ravished state but, as Bruce tried to pull him back for more, he put a hand on his chest. "Someone's coming." They both turned to see Pepper and the Black Widow walk towards them. Natasha's upper lip curled upwards as she realized their previous activities. Clint glared at her and gave her a 'Don't say anything' look which he knew Natasha would only obey if she wanted to. As the 4 people exchanged greetings the door opened and Tony Stark and Steve Rogers were reveled. "Great," Natasha announced. "All we need is Thor and I can explain everything to him later but for now let's just fill you guys in. We are being called in."

Okay that's the end of Chapter 3 only because my laptop's dying. But anyway, I'll see if I can possibly update tomorrow! And I'm just going to ignore the end of Iron Man 3 where Tony destroys all of his suits. Bye now!


	4. Chapter 4 : Of Flags and Suits

Hey guys! What do know? I was able to update today! Don't worry Keymaster555 I will happily be your resuscitator. Oh, and I totally made a substance up. Enjoy chapter 4!

Disclaimer: If I owned anything, you'd know.

Chapter 4: Of Flags and Suits

"So, what seems to be the matter Natasha dear?" Tony murmured sarcastically. Seriously, why was everyone having a grand old time at his tower? Natasha glared at the nickname and spoke. "High levels of Braunes have been found in Cannes, France. Director Fury doesn't think it's anything, but Agent Hill wants us to check it out regardless." Steve frowned. "What' Braunes?" Bruce looked at him. "The full name is Braunes Erinnerungen, Brown memories, Braunes is a brownish chemical that when a person inhales too much they go into a coma and eventually, when they wake up, they're most prominent memories are gone."

"Yes, and there is an unusual amount of it in Cannes." Pepper then spoke in confusion. "Wait, then why do I need to go in for protection?" Natasha sighed. "We think a person is responsible for it and if they see that The Avengers- let alone Tony, is on their trail, they might take you." Pepper nodded. Clint looked at her going into full espionage mode. "Why does Agent Hill need all of us to come in?" "I have no clue." "Maybe it's something bigger than just the Braunes," Steve suggested. "a whole network of people trying to do something bigger." They all nodded at the possibility.

Then something unexpected happened.

A big explosion from about 3 yards away caused them all to slam into the opposite wall. As they gasped to catch their breath a shadowy figure appeared. Then, Thor stepped out of the smoke. "Friends!" He boomed. "How lovely it is to see you! What has happened to make you so weary?" Tony coughed. "Uhh, Thor, buddy, why did you enter like that?" Thor smiled sheepishly. "Sorry. But I heard you required my assistance." "I'll fill you in,"Natasha said. "The rest of you, suit up." The next hour was filled of Pepper packing up clothes for the time being, Tony debating which suit to wear in his lab/workshop, Steve following him there because his suit and shield were at home, Clint and Bruce making out (again), and Thor listening to Natasha's explanation.

It took about 20 minutes for the jet to arrive, in which they all caught up on each others lives. No one was really shocked to hear that Tony and Steve were together.

Agent Hill stepped off the jet to greet them. "Hello, people, I trust Agent Romanoff has filled you in on the details of this mission. You will be dropped off in Cannes and are to report to the S.H.I.E.L.D. base stationed there immediately, but remember Fury can't know so I'll do my best to send him on a wild goose chase while you complete the mission. Is that clear?" They all nodded in absolute seriousness. "Great. Captain Rogers your suit and shield have been picked up from your apartment and are in your bunk."

He nodded and they got onto the jet and Steve vaguely wondered how they got into his apartment before remembering that they were S.H.I.E.L.D. As he looked around his bunk he felt another warm body press up against his backside. He smiled warmly "Hello there." Tony spoke up. Steve pressed back into him. "Mmm, I need to change." "I can help you with that. "You'd be more interested in getting me undressed than dressed." "Is that really a bad thing?" Steve chuckled "When we have a mission, yes. And there are people everywhere." "That just makes it all the more exciting. The thrill of getting caught. And most likely everyone knows already so, come on sweetheart, lets make some stars." Steve turned around, now holding his suit. "I have things to do sweet heart." He gently pushed Tony out of the room. Tony was pouting when he shut the door. Steve just laughed at him and went to pull his suit over his head. 'Tony is so... Tony.' He thought smiling.

Well I didn't have much time so it's pretty short sorry the next one will be longer :) Bye now!


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